What Was And What Can Never Be
by Corky the Quirk
Summary: Everyone knew that Remus and Sirius were close friends. However, the proximity of their closeness was never quite accurately guessed.


**Author's Note:** This is written for Blackbirdox, who gave me the prompt for Wolfstar. I don't typically write for Harry Potter anymore, least of all for the Marauders, so I'm not sure how this will go over. I had no clue how to end it and I'm not sure if I'm quite happy with that either. But anyway, if you read it, I hope you enjoy at least a small bit of it. :)

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Typically it was assumed that Sirius and James were inseparable. They were quite literally glued at the hip once due to a spell gone wrong. And yet, it was Sirius and Remus who were the closest.<p>

Who knew why. One never really chooses who it is they end up being close to, these things just happen. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.

This was one of those situations in which neither boy could decipher whether it was for better or for worse. On the one hand, both were immensely enjoying the time they spent together. On the other hand, Sirius had a girlfriend and a reputation to uphold. He couldn't exactly be caught sleeping with one of his best friends, now could he?

But it continued nonetheless, as steady as the cycle of the moon which Remus was required to abide by each month, and sometimes Remus likened Sirius to the moon: a force that could not be ignored.

It was easier sneaking around than Remus would have imagined, considering there were three other boys in the room that he and Sirius shared, but that hardly deterred the two. There were plenty of nooks and crannies, not to mention the Room of Requirement, all throughout Hogwarts. Then there were those trips to Hogsmeade, where Remus and Sirius assured James and Peter that they were just going to go down the street to that one shop that was owned by that guy with the hair and that had that thing out the front window, but in turn would end up in a hotel room under fake names and a guise all their own. They'd never stay longer than half an hour, in hopes that James and Peter wouldn't start to look for them.

Than again, James couldn't go fifteen minutes without having to track down Lily Evans, and Peter wouldn't dare do anything without James' consent. And thus, getting away from those two was never as hard as Remus always worked it up to be, fidgeting and pulling at his tie—for he always wore a tie, even when uniforms weren't enforced.

And that's how it continued, hidden away from everyone, in dodgy hotels and moldy sections of the castle where no one dared venture.

And then they graduated, and things changed.

They saw less of each other, even when they promised they'd meet up, it always seemed as though something got in the way. One or the other had to cancel, couldn't get off work, had a previous engagement that they couldn't skip out on like they had thought they'd be able to, impromptu visits from friends and family, always some excuse until there was no time at all.

And then Sirius ended up in Azkaban, and although the physical aspect of their relationship had fizzled out so long ago, it hit Remus so hard it was as though the wind was knocked out of him. They had the wrong man. Sirius would never. And in that moment all Remus wanted to do was go back to the days when life was simpler—although back then it seemed incredibly complicated—and the most that either he or Sirius had to worry about was getting caught making out in some deserted corner.

But you can't always get back what you've lost. Although, it's still there when Sirius escapes and they wrap their arms around each other for the first time in a long time. They'd stay that way if they could, but the fact that three students are standing in front of them with confused and hurt expressions on their faces ruins the moment.

Remus can't help but visit Sirius whenever it's safe. They sit across from each other and lean their heads in, appearing to be strategizing, although most of the time they're just verbally revisiting their time together at Hogwarts.

And then, like a flame gone out, Sirius is no longer there. Blown away.

And the past is gone with him.

And there's nothing left to hide.

And Remus hates it.


End file.
